Honeymoon Hotel
by burning shadowcat
Summary: Vibrating beds, an oblivious Yugi and a panicing Yami. Sound interesting?


I do not own Yu Gi Oh and have never been in a honeymoon suit.

Yugi sat in his hotel room and sulked. This trip already sucked and they'd barely arrived. He hadn't even gotten to play any Duel Monsters yet. IT should have been good. His old friends had decided (okay, Joey had decided) that they should all have a get-together during the holidays. A ''nearly one year reunion'' of the old team, which mean that at LAST he had someone decent to play with. They'd even managed to persuade Seto Kaiba along for the trip, and the team was once more assembled. He was HAPPY.

They'd finally decided on America as their destination of choice, and had set up a bunch of promising sounding matches with people from new schools. New opponents, new techniques. More Duels! Fun!

But first he had to get a decent nights worth of sleep.

Yugi was not exactly known for being a light sleeper. In fact, he was usually a very sound sleeper. It was certainly not unusual for him to doze off on the bus, on the train, or randomly when he was bored. He could even sleep under the current circumstances. The problem was, he really didn't want to.

He stared again at his surroundings, and then switched his gaze to glare at the telephone. Kaiba had been remarkably unsympathetic when he'd called to complain about his room and ask if anyone wanted to trade with him. It had been a very long, tiring trip to America, plagued by problems, lost luggage and nearly lost friends and it was now very late. Then the hotel had lost their bookings and had to assign them random rooms. EVERYTHING was a mess and they had an early start planned for the next day.

"Just go to sleep Motou" had been Kaiba's rather curt last words before hanging up.

Yugi considered his situation. Who could he call that would be more receptive to his request? Nearly everyone else was sure to find the situation funny, and he didn't feel like being laughed at right now. No, there was only one thing he could do. And he felt a little guilty doing it, but really, there was only so much he was willing to put up with.

He dialed again.

"Hello? You know it's really late to be calling."

"Tristan" Yugi said flatly. "Can I come down to your room and watch the 11 o'clock news?"

"Eh? Don't you have a TV in your room Yugi?"

"Well yes," Yugi acknowledged. "It's a nice one to. But it doesn't seem to be getting the news. Just some weird shows."

"Weird shows?"

Yugi could hear Yami asking Tristan what was going on in the background ans turned up the volume on the TV while Tristan replied.

**"Ah...ah...AHHHHH!!"**

"Yugi? Whats that strange noise?"

"That's the TV Tristan," Yugi twirled the remote in his fingers. "It's one of those strange shows I was telling you about. I can't work out the plot. The main character just showed up at the bank and then all the tellers started taking off their clothes. Something about an illegal withdrawal. Now they're, uh..."

**"HARDER"**

"Doing something..." Yugi trailed off, tilting his head to one side to watch the action. "That looks uncomfortable. He must be pretty acrobatic. Hey Tristan, do you think you could get both your legs up around your neck like that?"

"WHAT?? Ah...ah... maybe you should just get some sleep Yugi."

Yugi smirked faintly and switched to a more petulant whine. "But I CAN'T sleep Tristan, I can't get the bed to stop vibrating!"

"V... vibrating?"

Yugi's smirk got wider as he listened to Yami demand more information in a louder voice. "I don't know how to make it stop," he complained, ignoring the conversation in the background. "I TRIED pushing some of the other buttons but instead it turns out they're for lights and music. I'm NOT sleeping in a vibrating bed. What if I fall off? The sheets are all slippery! Although... maybe that what the straps and ties are for? Am I supposed to strap myself into the bed to keep from falling off, Tristan?"

"Your bed has STRAPS?? And TIES??

"WHAT??"

"And it hasn't been cleaned very well," Yugi continued to whine. "The previous person left all their stuff behind. Very sloppy for a policeman."

"Policeman?"

"Well who else would leave handcuffs in the desk drawer?"

"I, uh, I..."

"And he's left some of his toiletries behind as well. Lots of oils and stuff," Yugi decided to go for the kill. "Hey Tristan, whats scented lube for?"

There was the sound of a door opening and slamming and some shouted demands in the background. Yugi hung on a few minutes longer to see if his sempais would think to ask which room he'd been assigned, but when they didn't he hung up. Yugi vaguely turned his attention back to the movie playing and waited for his friends to arrive.

The door slammed open ten minutea later.

"Yugi!" Joey, Yami and Tristan sprinted into the Honeymoon Suite and gaped at the wall mounted 48-inch TV, currently broadcasting an extremely pornographic movie. Behind them stood Kaiba, a frozen look of horror on his face as he took in the leather furniture, decorated with some of the other items Yugi had found while snooping through the drawers and cupboards earlier. Tea took one look at the room and reeled out in horror, as did Ryou. Malik tried to cover up his blushes with his book, but no one was fooled. Bakura just took the entire scene in and then directed a approving smirk at Yugi, who looked as oblivious as he possibly could.

Half an hour later, Yugi was safely ensconced in a nice, kid safe, hotel room and Yami had finally finished having hysterics, having been reassured by Yugi's complete non-reaction that the entire setup had gone completely over the teens head. Kaiba had been apologetic about ignoring Yugi's earlier complaints, and there had been no further trouble, except when Joey had been sent back to his room, after being caught watching the movie while he was supposed to be helping Bakura turn everything off.

Yugi curled up on his bed and closed his eyes. He was probably going to get babied a bit for this over the next few days, but he could live with that. Maybe they would treat him to food more often. And Yami would worry a bit about whether or not his "impressionable" abou had been affected by the stuff in the room. Oh well, he'd just have to look even more oblivious than usual.

It wasn't that he pretended to be oblivious. If it wasn't Duel Monsters, he wasn't interested, and it showed. But even he knew all about sex. Which was exactly the problem. He knew ALL about sex. Yugi snorted and rolled over, curling into a more comfortable position. The only thing that even remotely affected him in that suite was the wonderfully huge bathtub. He was almost regretful he'd had to give it up, but life wouldn't have been worth living if his friends had found out any other way.

For once having a pervert for a grandfather came in handy.

(He still wanted to know how to turn the vibrating bed off, though.)

I give credit to Orla and Jaelle for inspiring this fanfiction.


End file.
